Normies just don't care about privacy

If you're a privacy enthusiast, you probably clicked a link to this post thinking it's going to vindicate you; that it's going to prove how you've been right all along, and "normies just don't care about privacy", despite your best efforts to make them care. That it's going to show how you're smarter, because you understand the threats to privacy and how to fight them.

Unfortunately, you're not right. You never were. Let's talk about why, and what you should do next.

So, first of all, let's dispense with the "normie" term. It's a pejorative term, a name to call someone when they don't have your exact set of skills and interests, a term to use when you want to imply that someone is clueless or otherwise below you. There's no good reason to use it, and it suggests that you're looking down on them. Just call them "people", like everybody else and like yourself - you don't need to turn them into a group of "others" to begin with.

Why does that matter? Well, would you take advice from someone who looks down on you? You probably wouldn't. Talking about "normies" pretty much sets the tone for a conversation; it means that you don't care about someone elses interests or circumstances, that you won't treat them like a full human being of equal value to yourself. In other words, you're being an arrogant asshole. And noone likes arrogant assholes.

And this is also exactly why you think that they "just don't care about privacy". They might have even explicitly told you that they don't! So then it's clear, right? If they say they don't care about privacy, that must mean that they don't care about privacy, otherwise they wouldn't say that!

Unfortunately, that's not how it works. Most likely, the reason they told you that they "don't care" is to make you go away. Most likely, you've been quite pushy, telling them what they should be doing or using instead, and responding to every counterpoint with an even stronger recommendation, maybe even trying to make them feel guilty about "not caring enough" just because they're not as enthusiastic about it as you are.

And how do you make an enthusiast like that go away? You cut off the conversation. You tell them that you don't care. You leave zero space for the enthusiast to wiggle their way back into the conversation, for them to try and continue arguing something that you've grown tired of. If you don't care, then there's nothing to argue about, and so that is what they tell you.

In reality, almost everybody does care about privacy. To different degrees, in different situations, and in different ways - but almost everybody cares. People lock the bathroom door; they use changing stalls; they don't like strangers shouldersurfing their phone screen; they hide letters and other things. Clearly people do care. They probably also know that Facebook and the like are pretty shitty, considering that media outlets have been reporting on it for a decade now. You don't need to tell them that.

So what should you do? It's easy for me to say "don't be pushy", but then how do you help people keep their communications private? How do you help advance the state of private communications in general?

The answer is to understand, not argue. Don't try to convince people, at least not directly. Don't tell them what to do, or what to use. Don't try to make them feel bad about using closed or privacy-unfriendly systems. Instead, ask questions. Try to understand their circumstances - who do they talk to, why do they need to use specific services? Does their employer require it? Are their friends refusing to move over to something without a specific feature?

Recognize and accept that caring about privacy does not mean it needs to be your primary purpose in life. Someone can simultaneously care about privacy, but also refuse to stop using Facebook because they care more about talking to a long-lost friend who is not reachable anywhere else. They can care about privacy, but care more about keeping their job which requires using Slack. They're not enthusiasts, and they shouldn't need to be to have privacy in their life - that's the whole point of the privacy movement, isn't it?

Finally, once you have asked enough questions - without being judgmental or considering answers 'wrong' in any way - you can build an understanding of someone's motivations and concerns and interests. You now have enough information to understand whether you can help them make their life more private without giving up on the things they care about.

Maybe they really want reactions in their messenger when talking to their friends, and just weren't aware that Matrix can do that, and that's what kept them on Discord. Maybe they've looked at Mastodon, but it looked like a ghost town to them, just because they didn't know about a good instance to join. But these are all things that you can't know until you've learned about someone's individual concerns and priorities. Things that you would never learn about to begin with, if they cut you off with "I don't care" because you're being pushy.

And maybe, the answer is that you can't do anything for them. Maybe, they just don't have any other options, and there are issues with all your alternative suggestions that would make them unworkable in their situation. Sometimes, the answer is just that something isn't good enough yet; and that you need to accept that, and put in the work to improve the tool instead of trying to convince people to use it as-is.

Don't be the insufferable privacy nut. Be the helpful, supportive and understanding friend who happens to know things about privacy.